Death - See it this way...

Twelve Important Tips for a Happy Marriage

In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful

           Assalamo Alykum Wa Rehmatullahe wa Barakaatuh

Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good (Islam),

Enjoining Al-Ma`roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do) and Forbidding Al-Munkar (polytheism and disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden).And it is they who are the successful" [Aal `Imraan 3:1]

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 1) Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often

Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, (subhanahu wata'alaa), in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself, then, becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. Allah (subhanahu wata'alaa) will be pleased with them, and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. Realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one's intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.

2) Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam

Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one's spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.

The Messenger of Allah (salAllahu  elayhay wasalam) said: None of you are true believers until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. [Bukhari,2/12] Subhanallah, how many marriages could this hadith alone save? It counters every kind of negative treatment and encourages every kind of good treatment!

3) Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations

Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, and expect perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality, and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah (subhanahu wata'alaa) created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when we discover our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, leads to contentment within the marriage.

4) Focus on the Best in Your Spouse

Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Express encouragement, praise, and gratitude on a regular basis, to strengthen these qualities and to encourage developing others. Make an attempt to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet (salAllahu  elayhay wasalam) said, "A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing." [Muslim, 8/3469]

5) Be Your Mate's Best Friend

Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.

6) Spend Quality Time Together

It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option they choose and distractions should be kept to a minimum.

The Prophet (salAllahu  elayhay wasalam) used to race with his wife, `Aisha (raziAllahu anha). Sometimes she won, and sometimes he won. Remember, he was in his fifties at the time!–how many of us think we are to "mature" to do something enjoyable that can also, with a proper intention, count as an act of worship and ring in piles of good deeds?

7) Express Feelings Often

This seems like a very "Western" concept and one that some people may struggle with, but it is important to be open and honest about one's feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that, what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The "silent treatment" never fixes anything in the long-term.

8) Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness

Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also ask our spouses to forgive us when we make mistakes. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.

9) Never Bring Up Past Mistakes

It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but in the proper manner and with the best of intentions and etiquettes.

10) Surprise Each Other at Times

This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunch-box. A little imagination goes a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively impact the marriage.

11) Cultivate a Sense of Humour

Joke with your spouse. This particular aspect goes a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner helps make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic, and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.

In fact, the Prophet (salAllahu  elayhay wasalam) himself joked with his wives, as well as with companions (though without lying), and tolerated some companions who were known for being light-hearted and prankish.

12) Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements

•           Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.

•           Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.

•           Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.

•           Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.

•           Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.

•           If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.

•           Remember your house in Paradise ! The Prophet (salAllahu  elayhay wasalam) said: I guarantee a house in the surroundings [suburbs] of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he were in the right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good.[Abu Dawud, 41/4782]

By Dr. Aisha Hamdan (additional notes are italicized).

Similarities between expats ...

asalam alaikum
       Today was the third visit from the Telecom Company to our place since the beginning of this month (hopefully inshaAllah, this will be the last also).
       As the technician was trying to find out if the fault was in the wiring done in our house, I kept observing how he was working.
       He picked up a brochure of the bank (regarding loans) that was on the computer desk, so I said, you can have it, I dont need it. He said he was a contract employee and he is not eligible to apply for such a loan. He then spoke about his family, a son of about 18 months that he has never been with, and that he is looking forward to going home to his wife and son in March next year. He wasn't even sure should he take a release from his contracting company or to wait and see if his employer will make him permanent before that time is up.
      I asked him, why his countrymen are not working in their home country and what he spoke of reminded me so much of Pakistan, that I just had to share it.
     He said his grandfather had stood for elections as a Mayor of their village but the rivals threatened his supporters with death. Common occurrence in Pakistan where politicians TELL rather than ASK villages for a certain number of votes from villages. They will go and say to the headman, app kay gaoon say to 10 hazaar vote meray pakkay hain na. (10000 votes from your village are for sure mine, right).
      Vote ya gooli (vote or bullet) is another common phrase during elections.
      He then spoke of people who are happy with life, meaning, as long as they are getting food in their stomach (no matter where it is coming from), they have no desire to do anything else or to improve their standard of living.
      He also spoke of people supporting their own family, knowing that they are corrupt and not standing up against them. Doesn't that sound familiar?
      He said, when people visit their home country during vacations, they do all sorts of things, drinking, gambling and such illegal activities, thinking they have earned it. They think after slaving away for months and years, they can spend their time like this with no care of right or wrong. If any law-enforcer wants to take them to task, they say, leave me alone or I will have you killed. The policeman better watch out now, because there are so many people who are willing to take the life of another person, if you pay them well. Again, it is so easy to issue a parchi (death contract) or to hire a contract-killer.
      Another thing he mentioned was drugs. Police might show on TV that they found out about a lab making drugs in a house in some neighborhood. It will be publicized and they will be lauded and awarded for it but the next day, the same people will open another drug making lab in another house and the cycle will continue.
        He was happy about the new leader they have, as he is young and well-liked, but it will be a test of time to show if he can live up to the expectations of his country members.
       Intelligent are those who learn from the mistakes of others, but we are so busy in our own lives, that we do not have the time to stand and stare!
ma asalaama.

Profitable Deal

بسم اللہ الرحمٰن الرحیم السلامُ علیکم و رحمۃ اللہ و برکاتہ مُنافع کا سودا سرکارِ دو عالم حضرت محمد صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم اپنے صحابہ کرام رضی اللہ تعالٰی عنہما کے درمیان تشریف فرما تھے کہ ایک یتیم جوان شکایت لیئے حاضر خدمت ہوا۔ کہنے لگا یا رسول اللہ؛ میں اپنی کھجوروں کے باغ کے ارد گرد دیوار تعمیر کرا رہا تھا کہ میرے ہمسائے کی کھجور کا ایک درخت دیوار کے درمیان میں آ گیا۔ میں نے اپنے ہمسائے سے درخواست کی کہ وہ اپنی کھجور کا درخت میرے لیئے چھوڑ دے تاکہ میں اپنی دیوار سیدھی بنوا سکوں، اُس  نے دینے سے انکار کیا تو میں نے اُس کھجور کے درخت کو  خریدنے کی پیشکس کر ڈالی، میرے ہمسائے نے مجھے کھجور کا درخت بیچنے سے بھی انکار کر دیا ہے۔ سرکار  صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے اُس نوجوان کے ہمسائے کو بلا بھیجا۔ ہمسایہ حاضر ہوا تو آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم  نے اُسے نوجوان کی شکایت سُنائی جسے اُس نے تسلیم کیا کہ واقعتا ایسا ہی ہوا ہے۔ آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے اُسے فرمایا کہ تم اپنی کھجور کا درخت اِس نوجوان کیلئے چھوڑ دو یا اُس درخت کو نوجوان کے ہاتھوں فروخت کر دو اور قیمت لے لو۔ اُس آدمی نے دونوں حالتوں میں انکار کیا۔ آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے اپنی بات کو ایک بار پھر دہرایا؛ کھجور کا درخت اِس نوجوان کو فروخت کر کے پیسے بھی وصول کر لو  اور تمہیں جنت میں بھی ایک عظیم الشان  کھجور کا درخت ملے گا جِس کے  سائے کی طوالت میں سوار سو سال تک چلتا رہے گا۔ دُنیا کےایک درخت کے بدلے میں جنت میں ایک درخت کی  پیشکش ایسی عظیم  تھی جسکو سُن کر مجلس میں موجود سارے صحابہ کرام  رضی اللہ عنہما دنگ رہ گئے۔ سب یہی سوچ رہے تھے کہ ایسا شخص جو جنت میں ایسے عظیم الشان درخت کا مالک ہو کیسے جنت سے محروم ہو کر دوزخ میں جائے گا۔  مگر وائے قسمت کہ دنیاوی مال و متاع کی لالچ اور طمع آڑے آ گئی اور اُس شخص نے اپنا کھجور کا درخت بیچنے سے انکار کردیا۔ مجلس میں موجود ایک صحابی (ابا الدحداح) آگے بڑھے اور  حضور اکرم صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم سے عرض کی، یا رسول اللہ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم، اگر میں کسی طرح وہ درخت خرید کر اِس نوجوان کو دیدوں تو کیا مجھے جنت کا وہ درخت ملے گا؟ آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے جواب دیا ہاں تمہیں وہ درخت ملے گا۔ ابا الدحداح اُس آدمی کی طرف پلٹے اور اُس سے پوچھا میرے کھجوروں کے باغ کو جانتے ہو؟ اُس آدمی نے فورا جواب دیا؛ جی کیوں نہیں، مدینے کا کونسا ایسا شخص ہے جو اباالدحداح کے چھ سو کھجوروں کے باغ کو نہ جانتا ہو، ایسا باغ جس کے اندر ہی ایک محل تعمیر کیا گیا ہے، باغ میں میٹھے پانی کا ایک کنواں اور باغ کے ارد گرد تعمیر  خوبصورت اور نمایاں دیوار دور سے ہی نظر آتی ہے۔ مدینہ کے سارے تاجر تیرے باغ کی اعلٰی اقسام کی کھجوروں کو کھانے اور خریدنے کے انتطار میں رہتے ہیں۔ ابالداحداح نے اُس شخص کی بات کو مکمل ہونے پر کہا، تو پھر کیا تم اپنے اُس کھجور کے ایک درخت کو میرے سارے باغ، محل، کنویں اور اُس خوبصورت دیوار کے بدلے میں فروخت کرتے ہو؟ اُس شخص نے غیر یقینی سے سرکارِ دوعالم کی طرف دیکھا کہ کیا عقل مانتی ہے کہ ایک کھجور کے بدلے میں اُسے ابالداحداح کے چھ سو کھجوروں کے باغ کا قبضہ بھی مِل پائے گا کہ نہیں؟ معاملہ تو  ہر لحاظ سے فائدہ مند نظر آ رہا تھا۔ حضور پاک صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم اور مجلس میں موجود صحابہ کرام رضی اللہ عنہما نے گواہی دی اور معاملہ طے پا گیا۔ ابالداحداح نے خوشی سے حضور اکرم صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم کو دیکھا اور سوال کیا؛ یا رسول اللہ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم ، جنت میں میرا ایک کھجور کا درخت پکا ہو گیا ناں؟ آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے فرمایا نہیں۔ ابالدحداح سرکار صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم کے جواب سے حیرت زدہ سے ہوئے۔ آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے اپنی بات کو مکمل کرتے ہوئے جو کچھ  فرمایا اُس کا مفہوم یوں بنتا ہے کہ؛ اللہ رب العزت نے تو جنت میں ایک درخت محض ایک درخت کے بدلے میں دینا تھا۔ تم نے تو اپنا پورا باغ ہی دیدیا۔ اللہ رب العزت جود و کرم میں بے مثال ہیں اُنہوں نے تجھے جنت میں کھجوروں کے اتنے باغات عطاء کیئے ہیں کثرت کی بنا پر جنکے درختوں کی گنتی بھی نہیں کی جا سکتی۔ ابالدحداح، میں تجھے پھل سے لدے ہوئے  اُن درختوں کی کسقدر تعریف بیان کروں؟ آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم اپنی اِس بات کو اسقدر دہراتے رہے کہ محفل میں موجود ہر شخص یہ حسرت کرنے لگا اے کاش وہ ابالداحداح ہوتا۔ ابالداحداح وہاں سے اُٹھ کر جب اپنے گھر کو لوٹے تو خوشی کو چُھپا نہ پا رہے تھے۔ گھر کے باہر سے ہی اپنی بیوی کو آواز دی کہ  میں نے چار دیواری سمیت یہ باغ، محل اور کنواں بیچ دیا ہے۔ بیوی اپنے خاوند کی کاروباری خوبیوں اور صلاحیتوں کو اچھی طرح جانتی تھی، اُس نے اپنے خاوند سے پوچھا؛ ابالداحداح کتنے میں بیچا ہے یہ سب کُچھ؟ ابالداحداح نے اپنی بیوی سے کہا کہ  میں نے یہاں کا ایک درخت جنت میں لگے ایسے  ایک درخت کے بدلے میں بیچا ہے جِس کے سایہ میں سوار سو سال تک چلتا رہے۔ ابالداحداح کی بیوی نے خوشی سے چلاتے ہوئے کہا؛ ابالداحداح، تو نے منافع کا سودا کیا ہے۔ ابالداحداح، تو نے منافع کا سودا کیا ہے۔ ****  دنیا کی قُربانی کے بدلے میں آخرت کی بھلائی یا دُنیا میں اُٹھائی گئی تھوڑی سی مشقت کے بدلے کی آخرت کی راحت۔۔۔۔ کون تیار ہے ایسے سودے کیلئے؟؟؟ زندگی کی سمت متعین کرنے کیلئے آپ سوچیئے گا ضرور۔۔۔

اس ایمان افروز واقعہ کی تصدیق "حیاتہ الصحابہ جلد دوم" سے کی ہے۔

والسلام علیکم ورحمۃ اللہ وبرکاتہ

Qanoon-e-Toheen-e-Risalat Ka Haqeeqat Pasandana Jaiza

Maulana Aslam Sheikhupuri Damat Barakatuhum detailed lecture on "Realistic Analysis of Blasphemy Law" in response to various questions raised on different TV Channels, program held on 12th Dec 2010 at Al Quran Courses Center Karachi.

At home ... alhamdolillah!

   When I last wrote, last year, we were packing and trying to get paperwork for the paperwork for the work in order... interestingly enough it got done!
    Winter finally arrived, people were seen wearing fur coats, layers upon layers inside malls, because the cooling was still on. Outside it was windy but inside was cool. Today however, due to solar eclipse or for whatever reason, the heat is back on. Total winter time - less than a week. Wondering whether to buy sweaters and jackets for my kids (which are on sale) or to get the summer stuff that has already arrived in some shops!
    Anyways, we had to sell a few items and www.qatarliving.com was a great help. We found out that when you sell ACs, the person buying the AC has to take it to the police station along with the person who sold him the AC, so that there is a proof that indeed this sale took place and it was not stolen. My husband praised this system.
     Phone got connected today and internet is back (hence the blog). Water and electricity transfered in our name also. The clothes are finally in the wash and ... life goes on!
Alhamdolillah.

So much is happening in the world... just today, Sudan might be getting split, which is a shame. California got a new Governor and Salman Taseer got assassinated. Birds are dropping out of the sky dead and fish end up dead on the shore.
I'm trying to look on the bright side... and I know that whatever happens happens for the best, so for now, I'm just sitting back and observing silently.
On a personal note, my teacher was mentioning being in UAE for the new year and mentioned about all the celebrations taking place on 31st Dec night. Her son mentioned to her why do we not do all this on the start of the new hijri. Interesting question.
Our class had a discussion about it and the summary was, we need to celebrate our two Eids in such a way that our children need not get overwhelmed by how people of other religions celebrate their events. Rightly put, because for some years going, we do not celebrate Eid like we did in the past. Majority of the people are out partying the night before Eid, regardless of where they happen to be in the world. Then we do go for Eid prayers and to meet friends, but most of the day of Eid is spent at home sleeping, as for most it is a holiday.. and for some, it is a work day as usual.
Another small point, I see this sticker many places here in Qatar. It says in Arabic, Daqaaiq Al Intezaar, Imlaaq Al Istaghfaar. It translates to "Fill your waiting minutes with Istaghfaar". For times when you are stuck in traffic or have to wait in line at the grocery or doctor's waiting room, instead of listening to the songs, spend some time doing dhikr or just Astaghfirullah.
May Allah make things easy for us all and make us spend our time for our best benefits. Ameen.
Ma asalaama.